Sharing a Story; The Reason I study the Holocaust.

On Footsteps, we have asked people to share their stories, their connection to the Holocaust. Of course not everyone has a direct connection, we have grandchildren of SS guards, of Nazi Criminals... Everyone from different backgrounds sharing their stories. So I thought, instead of paining everyone with my story via Footsteps, I would post it here, it's nothing special of course, I have no direct connection to the Holocaust. I just feel a deep sense of meaning when I think of my life, working against the rise of racism and making sure that this never happens again. 

This is a brief story of how I came to be part of a wonderful team, and started to fight against the rise of hatred in this world. 

It all started from a young age, My Grandmother would tell me stories of her time during the Blitz in London, telling me about how when the air raid siren would blast, they would grab the tea, risking the girls life to get such a thing.. (sounds very British) although she is the connection we have to our German side. My Grandparents, who lived in London at the time would take myself and Fred (my brother) to the Imperial War Museum on a day trip, now museum trips were the most exciting days out as a small child, however I could never face walking through the Blitz scenario. I was too scared of the noise, the darkness... yet I could easily stroll (it was more of a power walk) through the Trenches. I was terrified of the Blitz, I wasn't sure why. Grandmother would stand outside with me, telling me no one was going to hurt me in there, while my brother went through with Granddad, of course my Granddad was evacuated, he wasn't actually in London at the time of the Blitz, so maybe for him it was easier to walk through, plus I would whine for my shield of protection... My Grandmother.

 Every summer, half term, holiday we would always end up at the Imperial War Museum, my Grandparents must of been sick of it, but for Fred, he loved seeing the Planes and the machinery, while for me, I loved seeing the items, it was a strange feeling when you saw things which we had, or a family member had. For example the tobacco tin from 1914, we still owned it, however unlike the IWM's one... ours had everything inside it. The house exhibit, (which now sadly has gone) reminded me of their house, it was the same structure and same style.. So I could relate to something at this early age. I never thought that one day, History would become my chosen career path, and fighting against something which I fear, I could never imagine it.

As I grew up, I became extremely interested in Chinese history, my mum, who was a bigger bookworm than myself, gave me a copy of Wild Swans, it was a book by Jung Chang, about three generations of her family, starting at the beginning of the 1900's and lead up to her modern day life. Of course, this included what happened to China during the Second World War, the horrors of what happened to them, not only by Mao and the Communist rise to power, but mainly the Japanese, who slaughtered Millions. I felt destroyed by this horror of war. I was 14-15 at the time, we had done the small section on the Holocaust the year before in School (when I say small, I can't even remember how long we spent on it, maybe not even a week, and this was in 2007) However, Josef Perl came in to speak to us, a survivor who suffered the fate of millions, he was locked up in a concentration camp, and lost the majority of his family to the Nazis. I remember sitting there, front row, fixed on his story, at the end, I stood up, shook his hand and walked away, still unaware of what I would do in the future.

I was soon told that I had a German Heritage, the Senhenn family, Ludwig, Henry and the rest of them would come over here in the nearly 1900's, All my family in all generations have been involved with the Wars, the females joined the WAF, the men joined the army, navy, RAF. I would soon find out that Ernst Senhenn, would go to the trenches without a gun... because he was a German. He wouldn't come back from the war. We have lost contact with the German side of the family, if they still are in Germany we do not know, I tried hunting members down, but it's hard when everything must be paid for... and I am on a student budget.

I soon was off to University, being told time and time again 'Why didn't you take History?' We would do Holocaust Theory every year, in Children's Literature in the first year (boy in the stripped Pyjamas) Second Year I would focus on Holocaust studies (focusing on Auschwitz testimony books) and third year, we would again return to Holocaust theory with adaptations, looking closely at Schindler's List, suddenly a spark clicked in my head, Holocaust studies. We would also write a monologue, about being an 'other' in England, I focused mine on being a German POW in England after the war, My tutor of the adaptations module asked me if I would ever consider moving to Berlin to study Holocaust Studies at the University there, or another part of Germany, I was extremely useful to my poor housemate at the time who didn't need to read or study the book, I would click through the important scenes of the film, pointing out all the Nazi criminals, explaining certain parts... By this point my focus was already on Mengele, I wasn't sure and I can not remember the turning point to how I became so interested in the man, but I knew that something about him would haunt me, haunt me for the rest of my life, and his victims had to be remembered, the (approx) 3000 twins who were taken there, with only 180 who survived.. The Ovitz family who would remain together till the end yet were used and abused by Mengele who had found his "seven Dwarfs"

It was that moment in the slides of the module on Holocaust Theory where the tutor said 'So how was science involved in the Holocaust' now to me, I would of burst out with countless explanations yet I had been doing that for the whole seminar, I might as well of been at the front teaching the thing. I let someone else talk (for once) and of course, Mengele was the next slide to appear, his devilish features on the board. I had come across people who fixated on Mengele in a negative way, finding him romantic and attractive, almost worshipping his work... When I saw or heard his name, a shock would go through my spine, knowing the devilish work he had done.
I never had an interest in medicines and science, I was good at science, but it wasn't something I took a huge interest in, so this focus on the Nazi Medical experiments is still wondering in my mind of how I came to really focus on that subject within the Holocaust.

I attended a social meeting with a Holocaust education team in Leeds, here I met Iby Knill, a wonderful woman who was at Auschwitz, I was sitting next to her all the way through, wanting to ask her so many questions, of course I took her email address, so I could ask her at a better time. My mum was with me for this, I think here, she really got the sense of what I wanted to do, and why I focused on this, she was moved by Iby's story.

I already by this point had connected myself with the team who I am with now, Rainer, Simon, Debbie and Lee and this group is forever expanding. I never thought that one day we would be in Poland together for the Liberation of Auschwitz. Soon it was the end of University and I was off to Summer camp, the lack of History drove me a little crazy however this was when it got interesting and I came face to face with my first fascist;

 So, during summer camp, where I taught English as a second language (An ESL teacher is actually what I was going to be... an excuse to travel the world really) There was a Polish man, he had moved to England a while ago and had travelled the world. Now from a friend who I had worked with a year before, she stated that he was weird, that he kept staring at her and staring down at her chest. Now first few days were fine, he asked me once in my classroom what my interests were, what job I wanted, I said I wanted to work in the History world, teaching, learning, writing and talking really. (By this point the Mengele book was already being planned) He seemed interested, I didn't know this man would become the nightmare at work.
 As all young adults do, we were sitting around in the quad area, where we were all staying and were smoking, having a good laugh, then he appeared he didn't hear what our conversation was about (I'm sure it was about something silly as per usual) but he stated boldly  

 "England is becoming a white genocide,  do you know how many mosques there are in London?!" 

Of course to us, we were not racists, we didn't see the problem, most of us replied by saying 'Compared to how many churches there are... there isn't many at all' Which is of course true, theres a Church in every town in England, so imagine how many London have. He started ranting on about how White Genocide would destroy us all, that we were all wrong to mix our 'genetics' with other races.. (basically sounded like a complete Nazi) Now I stopped him, stating that British people are not technically 100% British, even if you would like to believe that (which some of the group didn't) We all came from the mix of countries who invaded us, Romans, Vikings, Anglo-Saxons, the list goes on, and then the migration to England as well, we were a super power, who wouldn't want to move here? (of course some people would like to believe they are 100% English..)
Then a friend told me he had said to him ' 

We should do what we did to the Jews with the Arabs'  

I had enough, he had snapped at me on the beginning of the 2nd group, that break time I spent my time searching his name on the internet, I found his website and the newspaper articles he had written about Homosexuals and mixing ethic groups (both were negative saying it was a mental problem) both articles were on a right-wing political newspaper, both of them condemned what the Nazis condemned. It made it harder as the subject he wrote about and abused, affected certain members of our staff... that same day he was fired, he was a risk.
This was my first real encounter with a fascist and it had my blood boiling. 

Now, this was only the beginning, I realised that this would be a complete dedication that I would use my time, my life to work against the hate, to work towards a brighter future. I had seen hate, suffering and pain in my life, my mother has seen it, my family have seen it. We had experience that feeling of utter loss when a loved one is taken from you by force, it doesn't compare to what happened in the Second World War, of course it doesn't... but it made me stronger.

Auschwitz has haunted me since I have returned, I go to sleep, I see the corridors, in my dreams, I see the gas chambers, I close my eyes and I see the shoes, the small jumpers of children... the suitcases and belongings. The trip taught me a lot, it reminds you how lucky we are, how lucky we are to have freedom, yet people are abusing it, hating on someone because of their differences..  I felt like everything I would once get angry about, didn't matter anymore, I would never feel the emotions or pain of what six million Jews, and millions of others from other 'groups' would feel when they were taken to a camp such as this.

Standing in the freezing cold for hours, our bodies numb and stiff, it is so hard to even imagine how the prisoners would of felt, in their rags which were their clothing, we were wrapped up with countless layers, yet we were still frozen, it makes you realise just how hard one day of being here as a prisoner would of been like, a tiny 0.01% of their suffering, with so much pain and suffering, with no food, hardly any clothing, no clean water or healthcare..thats only a small list.. there was so much more they had to live through... we could never imagine how it was, what happened, the stories which are yet to be told. I felt destroyed by the end of the week, yet I need to go back, I have to go back... because you never see everything in one trip.. even if you spend a week there, you always miss something.

 Now I feel more determined than ever, that with the amazing team, brought together by the most inspiration man I know, that we can try, we can start to make a difference, to work against hate, to remember those who were lost and make sure this never happens again. I feel as if it is a dedication which I will commit to, till my last breath.

This is my connection to the Holocaust, even though it is not directly connected, I still feel I need to work against the hate, to keep the memories and those voices alive for decades to come. We can not pray for hate and suffering to stop, we as people, as humans, need to stand together to show that this world is not for killing each other, but to live peacefully.

People do this for money, fame, a better life, but why profit from this? why profit from something so terrible? We should be standing up against hate, standing up against the rise of the right wing, together as humans. We are stepping on ice, we have to be careful, we can not be crazy, lower ourselves to the likes of Britains First or the EDL who march round shouting hate and saying they are working towards a better future, by marching? I do not think that is a good idea at all, but I do not like the EDL or Britains First anyway. We should stand together, peacefully, to show that we as humans can live in peace.

And a small message in German;

Für den Mann, der mich in die arbeit, gebracht hat danke, sie sind erstaunlich, Sie mir den ort, um zu versuchen, beitrag zur bekämpfung von rassismus und den aufstieg des hasses in der welt
(und mich, die deutsch sprechen.. Ich bin schlecht, Ich bin klein Dummkopf!!)